Quotes

Jubal Early: We're all just floating...

Kaylee: ... so you had to be naked.
Simon: Naked, yes, and on top of the statue of Hypocrates. Can you just picture me?
Kaylee: Naked? I'll have to conjure up, it'll be tough. So the feds came?
Simon: There were no feds. Until I started singing.

Simon: This is not funny. This a morality tale about the evils of sake.

Jayne: So, like... never?
Book: Well, no.
Jayne: Not ever never?
Book: Some orders allow Shepherds to marry, but I follow a narrower path.
Jayne: But, I mean, you still got the urge, right? They don't cut it off or nothing...
Book: No, I'm more or less intact. I just direct my energy elsewhere.
Jayne: You mean like masterbatin'?
Book: I hope you're not thinking of taking orders yourself...
Jayne: That'll be the day.

Jayne: It ain't impossible! Saint Jayne, It's got a ring to it.
Book: I'm just trying to remember how many miracles you've performed.
Jayne: I once hit a guy in the neck at five hundred yards with a bent scope, don't that count upstairs?
Book: Oh, it'll be taken into consideration...
Jayne: Well you make that sound kinda ominous...

Mal: Only thing you're gonna find in New Melbourne is fish and fish related activities. Unless you got an overwhelming urge to gut sturgeon, and who hasn't, occasionally...

River: It's just an object. It doesn't mean what you think.

River: She understands, she doesn't comprehend.

Mal: Thought she was on the mend.
Simon: The medications are erratic, there's not one that her system can't eventually break down, and you have to recalibrate --
Mal: I want a lot of medical jargon thrown at me, I'll talk to a doctor.
Simon: You are talking to a doctor.

Wash: Little River just gets more colorful by the moment. What will she do next?
Zoe: Either blow us all up or rub soup in her hair, it's a toss up.
Wash: I hope she does the soup thing. It's always a hoot and we don't all die from it.

Wash: Wacky fun.
Jayne: Wanna go, little man?
Wash: Only if it's someplace with candlelight.

Zoe: Sir, I know she's unpredictable, but I don't think she'd harm anyone.
Jayne: Butcher's knife...
Zoe: Anyone we can't spare.

Jayne: Are you saying she's a witch?
Wash: Yes, she's a witch, Jayne. She has had congress with the beast.
Jayne: She's in congress?
Wash: How did your brain master human speech? I'm just so curious.

Wash: Psychic, though? That sounds like something out of science fiction!
Zoe: We live in a spaceship, dear.

Jayne: I don't like the idea of someone hearing what I'm thinking.
Inara: No one likes the idea of hearing what you're thinking.

Simon: She's just a kid. She just wants to be a kid.

Early: It strains the mind a bit, don't it? You think you're all alone... Maybe I come down the chimney, Kaylee, bring presents to the good girls and boys. Maybe not, though. Maybe I've always been here.

Simon: I'd rather die standing.

Simon: Are you alliance.
Early: Am I a lion?
Simon: What?
Early: I don't think of myself as a lion. You may as well, though: I have a mighty roar.
Simon: I said Alliance.
Early: Oh. I thought--
Simon: No, I was...
Early: That's weird.

Early: So is it still her room when it's empty? Does the room, the thing have purpose? Or are we... what's the word...
Simon: I really can't help you.
Early: The plan is to take your sister, get the reward, which is substantial. "Embue". That's the word.

Simon: So you're a bounty hunter.
Early: That ain't it at all.
Simon: Then what are you?
Early: I'm a bounty hunter.

Early: You're gonna help me because every second you're with me is a chance to turn the tables, get the better of me, and it's the only chance your sister has. Maybe you'll find your moment. Maybe I'll slip. Or you'll refuse to help me, I'll shoot your brain out, and then I'll go upstairs and spend some time violating the little mechanic I got trussed up in the engine room. I take no pleasure in the thought but she will die weeping if you cross me.
Simon: You're out of your mind.
Early: That's between me and my mind.

Early: That ain't a shepherd.

Early: You ever been shot?
Simon: No.
Early: You oughta be shot, or stabbed, lose a leg... to be a surgeon. You know? Know the kind of pain you're dealing with. They make Psychiatrists get psychoanalyzed before they can get certified, but they don't make surgeons get cut on. That seem right to you?

Simon: Come on out, River, the nice man wants to kidnap you...

Early: People don't appreciate the substance of things. Objects in space. People miss out on what's solid.

Inara: This is pointless. You know that.
Early: Two hundred thousand seems fairly pointed to me. Money like that, I could retire, not that I would. What's life without work?

Early: Your sister's becoming a real annoyance.
Simon: I feel for you.

Inara: You can still walk away from this. I know you're tired.
Early: [He hits her] Dont go visiting me intentions. Don't ever.

Early: Man is stronger by far than woman. But only woman can create a child. That seem right to you?

River: River's not on the ship. They didn't want her here, but she couldn't make herself leave, so she melted. Melted away. They didn't know she could do that... but she did.
Early: Not sure I take your meaning there.
River: I'm not on the ship. I'm in the ship. I am the ship.
Simon: River...
River: River's gone.
Early: Then who exactly are we talking to?
River: You're talking to Serenity. And Early... Serenity is very unhappy.

River: Early, Mister Jubel Early, bounty hunter.... can I call you Jubel?
Early: Ain't nobody calls me that.
River: Your mother does. I'm sorry. Did. She's gone now.

River: You're a liar. I don't think your intentions are honorable.
Early: Well, no, I'm a bounty hunter, it's not generally considered honorable so much as... I live by a code, though, which I think is worth --

River: You hurt people.
Early: Only when the job requires it.
River: WRONG. You're a bad liar. You crawl inside me uninvited and you hurt my crew!

Simon: What am I, your advocate?
Early: You are starting now!
Simon: He's really very gentle and fuzzy, we're becoming fast friends.

Early: You folk are all insane!
Simon: Well, my sister's a ship, we had a complicated childhood.

Early: River? Serenity?

Mal: There was a guy, he was very blurry. You gotta be careful.... how come there's a guy on board and how come you're all of a sudden the ship?
River: I know you have questions.
Mal: That would be why I just asked them.
River: But there isn't a lot of time. Captain, I need you to trust me.
Mal: Am I dreaming?
River: We all are. [He rolls his eyes.] Don't make faces.

River: You're not welcome here anymore, Early.
Early: And you think I'm gonna leave here empty handed?
River: I know it.

River: You're not right, Early. You're not righteous. Got issues.
Early: No! Or, yes, I could have that, you might have me figured out, that... good job, I'm not a hundred percent -- Are we gonna be reasonable?
River: Talk too much.
Early: I'm flawed in that way, I sometimes go on, it's been said --
River: It's okay, Early. I'm going with you.
Simon: River, what are you--
River: Don't belong. Dangerous. Like you. Can't be controlled. Can't be trusted. Everybody could just go on without me, not have to worry. People could be who they wanted to be, could be with the people they wanted... could live simple. No secrets.
Simon: No...
River: And I'll be fine. I'll be your bounty, Jubel Early. And then I'll just fade away.

River: Permission to come aboard?
Mal: You know, you ain't quite right.
River: It's a popular theory.
Mal: Get on in there. Give your brother a thrashing for messing up your plan.
River: He takes so much looking after.

Zoe: This is really not my area of expertise, Doctor. I tend to be putting these into people more than the other thing.
Wash: Can I mop your brow? I'm at the ready with the fearsome brow mopping.
Simon: You got the bullet. Okay, I'm gonna pass out for a minute, but you're doing great.

River: I can win this.
Kaylee: I'm hearing a lot of talk, genius. Come on. Show me what you got.

Early: Well, here I am.

Wash: This is all very surreal. I hate surreal.

Early: So is it still a room when it's empty? Does the room... the thing... have purpose? Or do we.... what's the word?
Simon: I really can't help you.
Early: The plan is to take your sister... get the reward... which is substantial. "Imbue"... that's the word.

Mal: I find River pleasant enough myself, but she does have an oddness to her.

Early: I know you're on this ship, little girl!. So here's how it goes: You show yourself and finish this exchange or your brother's brains be flying every which way. You understand I'm sort of on the clock here--it's frustrating...

Book: I just feel such a fool.
Jayne: Yeah. All those years of priest trainin'. Taken out by one bounty hunter.

Mal: We're deep in space. Corner of "No" and "Where".

Early: You're all insane.
Simon: My sister's a ship. We had a complicated childhood.

Simon: You're out of your mind.
Early: That's between me and my mind.

Jayne: If wishes were horses we'd all eat steak.

Wash: Psychic, though? That sounds like something out of science fiction.
Zoe: You live on a spaceship, dear.

Jayne: Let's move this conversation in a "not Jayne's fault" direction.